Continued from part one.
Now I am all alone and have no one to depend on but myself.”
As an ADHD person myself, when my sister died, I felt as if my personal agency had gone also. I lost my best friend, my personal secretary, my good mother, the magic angel who helped me make sense of my life. The Higher Powers had ripped her away from me. Suddenly there was no one to bullet proof my slips ups. Nothing stood to pad me from the raw, hard reality of life and all my ADHD screw-ups. I spent years searching for false securities. Frantically search for my good twin who would plug up the dark corners of my life; someone who would shelter me from the shame and humility of missed appointments and unpaid bills.
The lack of being able to properly mourn the loss was assaultive to me. It created intolerable anxiety which led to a range of process addictions.
I found my way back to myself by facing the grief and loss as well as learning new skills to deal with the ADHD. By incorporating the unconditional love and sweetness of her as well as learning new skills to deal with the ADHD, I began to come to terms with my vulnerabilities and carve out a new respect with folks with learning and social disabilities. Coming to terms with my sometimes turned up-side down world that I was running from was a labor of love.To my knowledge, made a bit more complex by the challenges of my disabilities.